I'm angry... I'm happy.

Dear Sophie,

At just 3 years old, you've already shown a full range of human emotions: happy, loved, content, sad, scared, angry, shame, disgust and guilt.

It is incredible to watch you navigating the feelings.

Sometimes, when I asked you not to suck your thumb, you’d snap back at me angrily, “Stop it! I don’t like it! I’m angry… Never ever. Ever again…”

Other times, when I am showing you funny faces or sound a playful “toot toot”. You’d laugh so hard that you can’t mutter any word.

Emotions are a big part of everyone's daily journey, shaped by our interactions and experiences. While we can't avoid difficult emotions like anger, grief, jealousy, guilt, shame, etc… we can learn practical skills to navigate and grow with our feelings.

But, never let these negative emotions take hold of us.

Growing up in a traditional Asian household, emotional expression was often discouraged. Now, I've learned that all our emotions are valid and important. And, embracing and expressing my feelings correctly is something I still have to continue to learn as an adult.

Here are some strategies that I have learned that has really helped me:

1. Have a moment: Whenever you feel overwhelmed, take a break and have a moment in your quiet space.
2. RAIN Meditation: A practice to recognize, allow, investigate, and nurture your emotions.
3. ABC and PLEASE from DBT: Techniques from Dialectical Behavior Therapy that help manage emotions and enhance life skills.
4. Rest: Simple yet profound, like a good night's sleep or a restful nap.
5. Eat: Hunger can make anyone irritable, adults included.
6. Holding ice or having a cold shower: During intense moments, the cold temperature can significantly calm the mind through our body's physiological responses.
7. Shakti mat: The spikes can be painful at first, but they help me sleep and rest, especially when I am feeling restless and stressed.
8. Breathing and Movement: Techniques like box breathing, walking, and regular exercise can ground and refresh you.
9. Self-Reflection: Journaling to organize thoughts, and taking cold showers to rejuvenate.
10. Self-Validation: Acknowledging your feelings as valid and important.
11. Genuine Human Connection: Embracing loved ones for a 5-second hug, or exploring perspectives through reading and meaningful conversations with friends.

Sophie, these tools are like a treasure chest of skills for your journey. I find them most effective when practised regularly. But remember, true fulfilment only comes from your lifelong commitment to making positive contributions to the world and valuing every bit of genuine human connection that we encounter.

Love,

Daddy